The Hippocratical Hypnotist

Still from Mr. Hypnotism

I don't believe in hypnotism but I went to a hypnotist because I was looking for something new to write about. The hypnotist, Selena, promised to use the Law of Attraction to help me harness my inner power. I’m a big fan of the Law of Attraction. 

Selena spent the first half hour asking me what I wanted and giving her opinion about why I didn’t have it.

“Maybe you’re giving off the energy that you don’t believe in loving, long term relationships and that’s why you’re not getting what you want,” she said.

“Yes, I know that,” I said. “But how do I start believing in what I want?  Also I never said anything about long term.”

“It’s lucky you found out what kind of person this man you like is early on,” she said.  “Because you don’t want to marry and have children with someone who’s so changeable in his emotions.”

“I’m not even thinking about marriage,” I said.  “I just want to be in the moment and have an experience."

“No wonder he can’t commit if that’s what you’re giving off,” she said.

“I never said anything about committing,” I said.

“You’re getting what you expect,” she said.

“I KNOW,” I said. “But this isn’t helping me get what I want.”

“So what do you want to achieve?” said Selena.

She had sent me a pre-appointment form, which I filled out 24 hours before my appointment.   In the form, I had filled out my goals: successful publication of my book with great reviews and more loving relationships.

After talking with Selena for half an hour, I felt really pissed off at life.

“I just want to start my life again in a new body,” I said.

“You know that in order to do that you’d have to leave this body?” she asked.

“I KNOW,” I said.

“But you’re so young,” she said.  “Think of Colonel Sanders.  At the age of 65, he started selling his chicken at 25 cents a piece and look at Kentucky Fried Chicken now.”

I wasn’t sure what the world’s chickens would think of Colonel Sanders but I got the point.

“Ok, let’s get started,” she said.  “Your goal is to start a new life in a new body.”

“Can we just stick with the goals I wrote on the form,” I said.

Selena pressed play on a recording of ocean waves and counted me down from ten to one.  She told me to picture myself achieving my goals, the ones I wrote on the form.  I pictured a room full of decimated fried chicken parts, influenced by her Colonel Sanders comment.  After some minutes of Selena talking in soothing tones and my mind wandering unchecked, she counted me from three to one, saying I would feel refreshed.

I was out of Selena’s office in less time than it would have taken to count from one to zero.  I’m sure that hypnotism can work for the right person, but it wasn’t for me.

On the subway platform on the way home, a tall man with dark, shiny skin and dark, shabby clothes was singing, “What a Wonderful World.” Before getting on the train, I put a dollar in his hat.  When I turned around, I saw a young man with two arm stumps holding a poster asking for help to purchase prostheses.

As I got on the train, the first man started singing, “Too much for me to bear.”  I’ve definitely thought it is sometimes.  But then I turn around and realize how very lucky I am.

The Weekend of Doing Nothing

The Blaze Control Room, Amy Holmes and Scott Baker on screens

Friday was my last day working as a teleprompter operator at The Blaze, which is the new name for GBTV, which is an acronym for Glenn Beck Television. Whatever I might think about his political beliefs, Glenn Beck is one of the nicest people I’ve met. He’s kind, generous, humorous, occasionally gorges himself on junk food and has beautiful azure eyes.  And he surrounds himself with a wonderful team.

Wilkow! Studio Wall

After my last day of work there, I attended a launch party for Wilkow!, a new Blaze network show featuring Andrew Wilkow.  Early in the evening, a crew member placed a shot in front of me, and started chanting my name. Two drinks is usually my limit and I was on my third Bloody Mary. Being laid off seemed a good enough reason to drink too much.  The shot went down smoothly enough, but shortly thereafter I found myself being helped out to the street and held up while someone hailed a cab for me. En route, the driver stopped twice, insisting that I not throw up in his car, which I did not. With the help of two neighbors, I found myself in my apartment. 

When I felt well enough to open my eyes, I saw multiple unread text messages on my phone.  Two were from an acquaintance who decided to send me two pictures of his penis.  I have to say it was quite impressive and this did cheer me up somewhat since it held the illusion of having an intimate exchange.  Several of the text messages were from a male friend who had not been at the event.  He asked what I was up to and finally asked, “R u alive?”

Indeed, I was alive. On Saturday, I got up and did stuff and managed to be too late for a Dirty Laundry reading and too late to meet a friend at another Lit Crawl event. On Sunday, I went to a networking brunch from which I had to excuse myself after 20 minutes and an ice cream party a day too late.  Maybe I had been too late for everything on purpose.  Maybe I didn't want to be tied down to anything for a couple of days. Maybe I didn’t want to have a job right now either.  At least I showed up to work on my manuscript every day this weekend.  I’ve loved having a work family and routine for the past year.  But I’d rather follow my dream full time.  At least until the next job.

Melissa, me and Jenn at the Wilkow! launch party