Days before the USPDF Pole Dancing Championship on September 29th, I realized I hadn’t invited anyone to use my spare ticket. So I invited three men. The first two responded along the lines of, “Sounds fun, but why are you interested in pole dancing?” The third said yes.

The pole dancing I like is more about athleticism and skill than titillation. But it may be a while before the majority of people accept it as such. Done well, pole dancing combines grace, sensuality and daring, and the championship focuses mainly on skill and uniqueness.

My date for the evening texted me an hour before the event, saying simply, “I have unfortunately to cancel tonight.”

A few blocks from the event, I spotted a tall, handsome man exiting a hair salon.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Would you be interested in coming to the Pole Dancing Championship tonight?”

“No,” he smiled, “But thank you.”

Daniel on the left was my impromptu date for the evening

“What did you say?” came a voice from behind me.

Two men coming out of a nearby gym had overheard. Daniel and Harold are best friends, and share a birthday with Bob Marley: Februay 6^th. Since Harold had been lifting 800 lb weights (he showed me the video) and needed to shower, Daniel came along.

Daniel quickly noticed that the audience consisted mainly of female pole dancing students. Before the dancers came out, he pulled my head toward his shoulder.

“I think I might have to go to Tiffany’s for an engagement ring,” he said.

He was in love with a blonde two rows in front of us. A few minutes later, Daniel fell in love with one of the pole cleaners.

“It’s the way she rubs that wet stuff on the pole,” he said.

Interestingly, Daniel and I agreed on which dancers excelled, and we singled out the same performers, including the winner, Michelle Stanek. We were both moved by attitude, courage and musical choice more than clinical skill.

Natasha Wang in a performance from 2011

Last year’s winner, Natasha Wang, came out to perform with The Pulse Project. Her performance was the most ethereal and compelling of the evening.

“She’s like a spirit,” said Daniel. “It’s like the pole is dancing around her.”

The Pulse Project gave a feisty 10-minute performance featuring NYPD instructor, Anna Grundstrom.

“She’s a rock star,” said Daniel, correctly.

On the subway home, Daniel showed me a picture of a Celtic design tattooed across his entire back. Then he showed me two photographs of large rear ends that Harold had sent him during the show. Daniel definitely gave me the male point of view, but we still agreed on the artistry.

When I got off the subway, Daniel held out his palm.

“Hate to see you go," he said. "But love to see you walk away.”

Cash drew a rectangle at the bottom of a sheet of paper. “This is where I am,“ he said. “I’ve done nothing in my life. Sometimes after I rehearse, I feel like I’ve wasted two hours because my singing sucked. I might never accomplish my dreams.”

“Wow, that is heavy,” I said. “Did anything good happen recently?”

“I had sex without being intoxicated,” said Cash. “And it was fantastic.”

“Congratulations,” I said. “But how did it happen? You just decided to do it and then it happened?”

“I went to the bath house,” he said.

“How does that work?” I asked. “You go in, see someone you like and then your eyes meet?”

“You have a room,” said Cash. “Or they have a room. Then you walk around and catch someone’s eye and one of you says do you have a room.”

“But what if you get to the room and then you change your mind?” I ask.

“That’s the awkward part,” said Cash. “Usually you say I’m taking a break and then you never come back.”

“Where is the bath house?” I asked. “Do they have saunas and stuff?”

“No," said Cash. "And you can’t go. Because you have breasts.”

“I wonder what a straight bathhouse would be like,” I said.

“I’ve thought of making one,” said Cash. “I’d make a fortune.”

Then I thought about a straight bathhouse and all I could imagine was a room full of people catching eyes and then looking away and doing nothing. Many straight men fear rejection and most straight women prefer the man to make the first move. Also the whole courtship thing takes a bit longer; at least it’s more fun when it does.

Having ventured into the arenas of internet dating, speed dating and meeting people around town, I have been surprised at the number of men who expect me to jump into intimate scenarios with them before I’ve had a chance to feel any attraction for them. Sadly, this seems just as prevalent among men who are in relationships. Many American males seem to base their idea of women on media images, porn and the fact that females are apt to mold their behavior to please men.

I know many happily committed couples, both straight and gay, and I believe that romance and passion can coexist. But when it doesn’t, I sometimes wonder about the benefits of Cash’s free and easy style of connecting. He doesn’t want a relationship. For him, sex is just fun and a release of energy. Of course, I still think he wants to fall in love like anyone else. But that’s just me.